Is this really a party?

Claps and laughter are banging into my eardrums too loud,
With the thundering felicity of the crowd,
Pulses beating unharmoniously when a random stranger throws up,
The vexing red glare of the solo cup,

Champagne trickling in a pool onto the floor,
This isn’t any different from every other party before,
An overwhelming amount of people here,
Apparently all contained with jubilation and cheer,

But is it necessary to squeal and screech?
It’s sucking away the tranquility like a leech,
Babbling on and on between social circles,
Lopsided conscience as sanity hurtles,

Everyone is dressed so flamboyant and flashy,
Chaotically swaying to this bop that isn’t even that catchy,
Silver pendants and rings glinting far too brightly,
Would they notice if I grimaced ever so slightly?

I’m finding comfort in the darker corners of the hall,
Epically ignoring the popular girl’s call,
The wilting balloons and shriveled banners barricading the ether,
They offer gossip and spotlights when I honestly want neither,

Everything happens so uselessly, so impulsively, so quick,
Oh my god this makes me sick.

I always thought

I always thought,
Cracks meant it’s broken,
Glass meant it’s frail,
Silence meant it’s unspoken,
Old meant it’s stale,

Darkness was the petrifying absence of light,
Only fears would make you stagger backwards,
Black was the primary colour of the night,
Flight was exclusive to birds,

The sky was never anything but blue,
Lies were ways to distract the truth,
Experience was evidence that one grew,
Age was extracted from youth,

Attention was the opposite of dreamers,
Clouds were the woollen part of weather,
Exhaustion was what we never knew as sleepers,
If I wasn’t polyester, I was heather,

Until time flipped a coin and it never handed on tails,
Tranquillity and transgression were never addressed,
Everything was seen above the veils,
And panoramas were never entirely expressed,


I always think,
That every imagination perceived is an opinion,
But there are deeper conceptualities to fathom,
It’s been so long and my mind is still my dominion,
As I dip my head into the universe to unlock my empathetical chasm,

Nyctophilia under starlight is past the witching hour,
The second hand on a clock should catch a break,
One day we’ll see it all different, we’ll devour,
Because time frames perspective into picture, albeit.

Pretend

I stand in the charcoal shadows,
Watching the people pass,
Slicing the wind with sinless arrows,
Looming behind the glass,

Top of the morning to you too,
Maybe sunshine is sunnier at your place,
Maybe you have everything resurrected and new,
Maybe it not the shadows that you chase,

They wish me everyday and ask me how I am,
I incline my head and beam,
They only see the fabrication and glam,
I am nothing close to how I may seem,

At once, you demand what is behind my lies,
I lower my head, my soul, and disappear,
The fatal fetish of my disguise,
Don’t you see? I flee in fear,

I’m lost and tense, petrified,
Detached, dejected, sorrow,
Am I alive or have I died?
I can’t even face tomorrow,

That’s the thing, I’m sick of it all,
Everyday repeats again,
Drapetomania, I’m running away to Montreal,
Seven, eight, nine, ten,

I want to cry but tears don’t come,
I wish you weren’t agonizing yourself over me,
But does it even matter anymore, when it’s all so glum?,
When the blindfold is all I can see,

I need a change, a transparent world,
Where change is new and layers peel,
Don’t you want me to put this to an end?,
To unfurl how I really feel,
Or do you still want me to pretend?

The Everlasting Staircase – Ending 2

(Double Endings)

Gazing into the ebony black ahead,
Filled with premonition and dread,
I’m almost at the top, I see,
A dozen more steps before I’m free,

As silence envelops the place,
For what comes ahead, I brace,
Finally continuing up the last flight,
Nothing but steps and darkness in sight,

At the end is nothing but gloom and murk,
Apart from the wooden steps and shadows that lurk,
I kneel down at the edge of the stair,
And peer at what’s under, into the darkness I glare,

An everlasting depth lies underneath,
I want to go back, but I cannot retreat,
The steps behind have disappeared,
Is it only the end of the stairs that has neared?

Or is it my life that was meant to cease?
Quite an eerie, petrifying feeling to displease,
I must make a sacrifice, for no other option is left,
The eternal abyss taking my life from me, a theft,

I ready myself for the below,
And into the endless gloom I go,
Vaulting down hundreds of feet,
Horrified for the ground I will meet,

Plummeting towards death,
I take one final breath,
I close my eyes,
And shut out this fate I despise.


Days and hours later I wake,
To find me on a mattress by the lake,
I’m fine, but I yell, I shout and I scream,
Is this afterlife or is this a dream?

Mother tells me it is none,
I was put in a test, and well I had done,
She rewards me with her cookbook and says,
“Trusting yourself is going the right way,
Don’t you ever return to that place,
Or I will smack off your face”,

And never will I retake this path,
For I am lucky I’m alive despite the aftermath.
Would you go back into the dark depth?
Would you take another step?

The Everlasting Staircase – Ending 1

(Double Endings)

Mom and Dad must be perturbed,
I cannot return and my hollers aren’t heard,
My head is spinning, my hands are still,
I’m racing up the steps against my will.

The end is near, I must survive,
The frenzy has kept me alive,
At last, I mount the last,
Despondent and downcast,

At the end lies a door,
Identical to the one I opened before,
A ray of light and hope for the arcane,
Maybe I won’t die in vain,

A shallow wave of enthusiasm flows into me,
Despite the countless flaws I see,
The longer I wait, the more I get tense,
I can’t take it any longer, I shall uncover this pretence,

My fingers curl around the doorknob,
Apprehension builds up, my heart begins to throb,
I turn the handle and walk through,
Into the beams of light, anew,

When the blinding flash fades away,
I glance ahead at the way,
Dubious, my trepidation turns to bewilderment,
Am I in the past or the present?

For this room looks the same as the one at the start,
Is this an eternal loop or just a recurring part?
The door leads to stairs that lead high,
The stairs lead to the door; it’s never-ending, I sigh,

I turn back through the door to stairs to the door,
In a labyrinth of baffling timeless repeating forevermore,
It takes me hours to exit the attic,
Never had I dreamt of a place so dramatic,

Dismayed, I start to head to the living room,
When I find the cookbook under the light of noon,
It was at the start all along,
If only I hadn’t been so enlivened to prolong,

Never will I re-enter the attic again,
If I ever do, I’ll be confined for eternity, amen,
But my mind is at work, telling me to go back,
This unsolved mystery I must crack,
Would go back into the dark depth?
Would you take another step?

The Everlasting Staircase

(Double Endings)

“Be a dear and get my old cookbook from the attic”, Mom did say,
I was enthralled for it was my first time scavenging up there, today was the day,
The tawny door gave in to a stairway,
But as I treaded, it was only dark,
Darker than a nightmare, not a spark,

Somber lurked, my rapture turned to fright,
I fretfully flicked on my phone light,
Peart had drained, I felt its bleak bite,
How could a flight of stairs be so daunting in sight?

Quavering from head to toe,
I began mounting steps, no other choice would show,
The door slammed behind me,
Climbing stairs was all I could see,

After a while, I swerved round to find,
No steps left behind,
As I would clamber they would disappear,
I screeched in alarm, shedding a tear,

Every step I ascended, my breath trickled away,
Panting, gasping, enervated, I went up the stairway,
The wooden steps creaking at my feet,
My convulsing body desired some heat,

I yearned to stop arising steps to rest,
But my curiosity got the best of me, I couldn’t protest,
My mind grappling against my body every step in this place,
Impounded to an infinite row of stairs on a staircase,

At last, I strained my gaze at a light ahead,
This is where my infinite amble has led,
I hurtled my hefty feet towards what seemed the end,
What lies at that anticipated bend?


Come discover my tale that twists two ways,
Tell me, did I make it out of the perpetual staircase??

Exploring Realms

I gape at the silver screen,
Although at present a teen,
Jumping into the prodigious doorway,
To a new-fangled dimension,
It propels me away,

Where will it tote me,
To a mystical world of unicorns and candy?
With enchanting flamboyant waterfalls,
And cotton candy clouds that rain treacle balls,

Perhaps a terrain of enhanced automation,
Far beyond the video games and play stations,
Hovering modules of advanced machinery,
A portal to a computerised scenery,

Or rather to an ancient land,
Where maidens and blokes danced hand in hand,
With antique artefacts of the 50s,
Museum pieces, cherished and thrifty,

Ready to hurl myself into the unknown,
Into the decision of dimensions shown,
In a standstill I remain,
Which one shall I make my domain?

I Stained The Walls

I stained the walls with it,
The place is up in fumes,
Blazed by the inferno, the swelter emits,
Engulfing all the rooms,

I stained the walls with it,
The carcass left lonely on the wooden floor,
She was asleep at home, obliviously hit,
But this time it’s different than before,

I stained the walls with it,
As the sirens whirr and officers arrive,
They never know it’s me, I admit,
Or rather they don’t know my disguise,

I stained the walls with it,
I made my escape igniting the flame,
My darkened silhouette absconding from the brightly lit,
They don’t even know my name,

I stained the walls with it,
There remain the decay of the innocent,
I did something bad, yet snarling I flit,
They didn’t see where I went,

I stained the walls with it,
Her writhing body, I know I hurt her,
Hell made me do it,
Death calls for murder,

I stained the walls with it,
Stained the walls with the blood of a soul, the blood of a will,
Nobody knows the crimes I commit,
Scream. Strike. Kill.

Opposite Land

This is where antonyms are similar,
This is where siblings are unanimous,
A child is born when a blade escapes a killer,
All races are glamorous,

Every black has a white,
Every act of valor has a fright,
Even a blind man has the sight,
Even utter darkness has light,

Time stands still and the sun glows black,
Clouds emerge from rain,
Death waits for humans to attack,
Ecstasy emerges from pain,

Regulation and law are sentenced to prison,
Crops are grown from sapling to seed,
Daylight appears when the night has risen,
Lying is a good deed,

Water is pink and the sky has an end,
Lawns are covered in cherry red grass,
Grounds are flat, the earth has no bend,
Blood is colorless, clear as glass,
Tears are metallic, hued of copper and brass,

Dreams are encounters of life we can’t remember,
Movies and fictional characters can be seen,
October comes before September,
We sit and watch people play our lives from the television screen,

Love comes from hate,
Summer is when warmth turns ice cold,
Pessimism and hopelessness come from fate,
Secrets are meant to be told,

Welcome to this peculiar place,
Once a soul enters, it cannot flee,
A void amongst time and space,
Opposite Land is waiting for you and me.

Visitors

Welcome home, it’s been a while,
Oh, how much I’ve missed your smile,
After confinement in this diminutive space,
I ecstatically welcome you to my place,

You may be here once, twice or thrice,
Every encounter shall suffice,
Or you may dine a dinner and never return,
Sometimes it is simply the first impression I yearn,

Often a new dweller crosses my street,
Another fellow waiting to meet,
From people I know to distant friends,
A visit is required to make amends,

It could be a transient connection I acquire,
But maybe that is all I desire,
Endearing ones are beckoned to stay,
Perhaps for longer than just a day,

These visitors are intriguing individuals,
But I must discern the rocks from jewels,
I must be prudent before I leap,
For the diamonds are the ones I want to keep.

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